Grey in LA

I don’t know if the overcast sky in LA is as rare as it appears in that song. In fact, my few encounters with LA are mostly grey. Nevertheless, I agree with the song that we should appreciate this way. Chinese consulate just issued me a green QR code which will allow me to board the plane to China later today. All the traveling complications due to COVID-19 turned out less stressful than I expected.

Chinese New Year is around the corner. The interesting part is that I will not know when exactly the new year comes to me since I will be on the plane crossing the Pacific Ocean. This is going to be the tenth Chinese New Year I spend away from China. I came to the US 10 years ago in my early 20s full of dreams. My feelings are mixed this time as I am leaving it.

I love this country, its people, and its nature. I came to the US for education. In my journey, I met many great people I am grateful to. I was lucky to change my major and finally finished my doctoral degree. It still seems to me the land of opportunities. By mundane standards, I would blame myself for not getting a lot of money or high status. On the other hand, this country also nourishes the modern legends I admire: the guy who free-soloed El Capitan, the Chinese who proved twin-prime-number theory with decades of hard work outside mainstream academia, or maybe even the boy who camped in an abandoned bus in Alaska, and the ground service dude who stole a plane and flew it to the sky. The last two characters are controversial but American society shows forgiveness and empathy, and to some extent, cherishing. I really like this kind of idealism in the American culture. In my opinion, idealism is the most natural part of human spirits. I am so glad America helps me find it back.

The past year was an unordinary year for everyone, including me. I graduated with my PhD, quitted my first serious full-time job, and got divorced. I also developed a new hobby: fishing. I can still feel the thrill from my catches of some big fish. It is much stronger than getting the PhD. “life is too short not to pursue what you like”, that is what my boss said to me. The irony is that I don’t really know what I like to do. All I know is what I don’t like to do. I knew I would never come back to a drilling corporate job just to afford a bigger house or a newer car. In the past two months, I camped and fished in a way that made me feel I am living my life to the fullest. It is time for me to move close to my parents who are getting old in a faster way than I wanted to see. They are the ones who always love me unconditionally.

Goodbye, America. I will miss the good days. I will come back for more big fish.